Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
