Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
