but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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