please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
