weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
