Can i not drive my cunt home
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
