My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
