my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
