Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize