Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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