You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
