where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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