Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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