Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
