Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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