There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
