party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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