I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
