Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
