but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
