this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
