Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
