I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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