if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
