My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
