i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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