my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
