I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
