did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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