sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She needs sedatives and a leash
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
