Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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