The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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