Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
