Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
