I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
