I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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