Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
