Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
