are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
