I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize