I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just cropdusted the office
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
