I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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