You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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