I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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