just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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