Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
