You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
