Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
