just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Best friends brother. Beat that.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
