yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
