No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
