I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
