Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
