I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
