Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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