i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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