I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
