I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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