there's paper in my vomit.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize