Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
