True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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