bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
