I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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