I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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