at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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