did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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