i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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