Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
