Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
