i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
