franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
