heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Randomize