i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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