If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
