is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We left the knife in your bed.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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