The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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