You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
