My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize