Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
