i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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